Moving Forward

I have no before and after with the monster,

therefore I can move on…

I await laughter

To take away the pain of yesterday

I tried to believe I have become numb with the matter

But what can I say

I still feel.

But I live, I love and I fight

Until it is my final good night.

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This kind of beautiful…

Vivid visions of just me. 

Wrapping my arms around myself and encountering my own brilliance without the thoughts of your companionship trickling through. 

Your otherness typically feels so warm and compliments me so well, it’s almost as you follow the circuits of my mind. 

I can call and stay on the line…I don’t speak and you know exactly what to say. 

Although, you certainly don’t complete me, I am my own person, this I am certain. 

My own desires and thoughts flow through me a tad differently. It’s like I am a river and we connect when I enter your basin. 

Deep within, I know I don’t need you, but I want you to accompany me throughout some of my life. For now, I want you to be a part of my routine—to say the least. 

I want to be your sunshine, but it is if you are on a blinding, uneasy ride. This moment in time, you are lost and unsettled, I must let you climb. 

This is necessary, but who wants to be alone? I don’t think this world was made for us to always be in solitude.

Sometimes we need to meet and connect like the river and the sea–let’s be an estuary. 

Rich and free, I hope to meet you again and feel your warmth like my favorite tea. 

Or my favorite food, melting within my dark soul, enlightening my world. 

For now I’ll wait and worry less about others, meaning you. 

I’ll try to be this kind of beautiful…

25 on the 25th 

On the 25th of this September, she embarks her journey on earth for her 25th year. 

Another year for success 

Another year for happy memories 

Another year for failure 

Another year of unhappy memories. 

The gift of continuing to live feels more like a burden to her tired eyes, to her broken heart and to her incomplete soul. 

Another year of accomplishments 

Another year of mistakes 

Another year of new relationships 

Another year of failed relationships.

Another year of knowing nothing can truly help her except dealing with what is dealt. 

3 Tips to Becoming Fit After a Long Hiatus or Never Working Out!

Hi Bloggers!

It’s been quite some time since I’ve shared my words and thoughts with the internet. Today I am reaching my month and a half mark of consistently working out.

Now, I have always wanted to be someone who worked out consistently; not just trying out a fitness class here or there and never going back. As I get older, I know my body will change, so I thought to myself, “I might as well get fit and make it change for the better.” All in all, I feel great that I have finally began to do so!!

Tip #1 – Start with SMALL goals that you can commit to as if your health is on the line. (Technically it is!)  

My first goal was to get in the gym at least 3x a week. This was something that I knew I could commit to! In my first few weeks I missed one day of the week and I realized how much better I probably would have felt if I just went! I always leave working out feeling great, sometimes really tired, but emotionally happy.

I think in the past, I failed at being consistent because I thought that since it took me so long to run a mile, it would be quite impossible to run anything more! Now I jog two miles 3x a week! Within time, that number will go up 🙂

Tip #2 – Find someone to help you become accountable for making it to the gym and sticking with your work out for the day. 

This may mean, saving up money for a personal trainer for at least a month to learn proper form and work outs that will focus on your goals! (It’s an investment in yourself, you are worth it!) Or, it could mean bringing a trustworthy person who is already fit to help you reach your goals in an encouraging but demanding manner.

For myself, I am working on building strength and endurance, not losing weight, and toning up. All I knew was how to attempt to perform was cardio. Although, I am a hands on learner–watching videos of others do exercises wouldn’t help, I need to watch someone do it and do it with them to get it! So I saved up some cash and got a trainer. In addition, it helps you become educated on the safest ways to get fit!

Now I see my trainer once or twice a week and go to the gym on my own and practice what he’s taught me!

Tip #3 – CONSISTENTLY remind yourself that becoming fit is NOT a competition, if anything your only competition is yourself! 

Some people thrive off competition, while others sometimes melt at the thought of how they compare to someone else. Remember, everyone started somewhere! Maybe they grew up participating in sports, or their parents pushed them to run marathons with them! At the end of the day it doesn’t matter, what matters is how you want to feel and live.

Always keep in mind that this is your journey and not anyone else’s.

As I began to make my weekly sessions, I realized that I accomplished my weekly goal. Now my goal is to run a 5k in September! I am so excited and I look forward to my running days–even on my rest days.

 

Finally Being Heard?

It’s the pain of our modern world

It’s the reality of our broken history

The truth made invisible,

what we go through, you know,

“finally being heard.”

We don’t become relevant until our pain becomes their platform…

The appropriation, the killings, the villains were never us.

They cannot stand to see their reflection in a mirror,

too ready to pull a trigger.

When you realize you haven’t met your soulmate 

When you realize you haven’t met your soulmate 

You realize this person is not the one 

They emotionally drain you,

It’s quite painful because you become accustomed to them 

As if they should be that person

You’ve dedicated time and energy to some waste of a time 

They are clearly not your soulmate when they flake on you

They never want to go out with you and your friends 

They call after hours 

They expect you to pick up every call 

&& they don’t work with you, but against you. 

They are not your soulmate if they make you cry 

Or even shy when you are brighter than the sun 

They make you fold and seem as if you’re too much 

When it is not you but them. 

You begin to think and rethink every thing you want to say 

& that is emotional abuse 

It’s when they are inconsiderate of your time and too blind to see it. 

Run away 

They are not your soulmate 

You don’t need them. 

Run 

Please far away

Tick tock

Tick tock — the clock winds to our time.

I met you late at night, taxied to your place. Your words wooed me,  your letters… they humored me. And with that, I ended up wrapped in your sheets after breathing in mother nature laced.

Your lips traced my skin, traced my thighs and made me sigh. Your inner soul intertwined and demanded “you’re mine.”

Tick tock — the clock winds to our time.

Night 3 came upon me, this night our words filled the space, my womanhood allowed me to only taste. Another day passed and I met you again, but in a different way. It was, well is like a catalyst, this string and sting of emotion…energy that you transmit upon me.

Tomorrow, I want you to tomorrow. I want your joy, pleasure and sorrow. I treasure the moment my spirit met you. The way you whisper within my soul. You whisper to my wholeness. My shadow before you, for this you gawk. Your admiration leaves me pulsating for your rhythm.

Tick tock — the clock winds you, around me.

One, Two and Three

Yesterday, the frozen city sparkled in gold, green, red and white. The holiday spirit crept through the avenues, blocks and streets. Alcohol seeped through the cracks, filling the air with a stale smell. Laughter and stupidity dripped from the people’s mouths. Broken carols off tune filled the air. One round, two rounds and three. Some people knew nothing of their whereabouts. Others dancing and moving to the sounds of the beat. Atop of rooftops, on top of bars, on dance floors waxed with beer, you saw their feet shuffle and their mouths slur. More alcohol was poured. My insides were glowing and beaming. 

*Delivered* flickered my screen. One message, two messages and three. Next thing you know, I was on the subway. Going up, up to your town. Up one stop, two and times four. Two hours before the clock hits midnight, I’m almost at your door. My heels stomp the pavement, the men whistle, toot and holler. Buzzzzzzzz, I went up one flight, two flights and three. You stood in the doorway, tall, glowing and tired. I giggled and brushed your cheek with a kiss. Your smile made my inside warm. 
I unbundled and sat next to you. We briefly shared our day and then turned to the tv. We glared at it, sometimes it watched us. Exhaustion overwhelmed our bodies. In a moments time we were in your room stretched out. I laid there vulnerable. The light flickered and you took over my soul. Our souls danced, intertwined, and whispered; just once tonight.