Hope is substantial for our future, but alone, it is not enough.
I have no before and after with the monster,
therefore I can move on…
I await laughter
To take away the pain of yesterday
I tried to believe I have become numb with the matter
But what can I say
I still feel.
But I live, I love and I fight
Until it is my final good night.
Hi Bloggers!
It’s been quite some time since I’ve shared my words and thoughts with the internet. Today I am reaching my month and a half mark of consistently working out.
Now, I have always wanted to be someone who worked out consistently; not just trying out a fitness class here or there and never going back. As I get older, I know my body will change, so I thought to myself, “I might as well get fit and make it change for the better.” All in all, I feel great that I have finally began to do so!!
Tip #1 – Start with SMALL goals that you can commit to as if your health is on the line. (Technically it is!)
My first goal was to get in the gym at least 3x a week. This was something that I knew I could commit to! In my first few weeks I missed one day of the week and I realized how much better I probably would have felt if I just went! I always leave working out feeling great, sometimes really tired, but emotionally happy.
I think in the past, I failed at being consistent because I thought that since it took me so long to run a mile, it would be quite impossible to run anything more! Now I jog two miles 3x a week! Within time, that number will go up 🙂
Tip #2 – Find someone to help you become accountable for making it to the gym and sticking with your work out for the day.
This may mean, saving up money for a personal trainer for at least a month to learn proper form and work outs that will focus on your goals! (It’s an investment in yourself, you are worth it!) Or, it could mean bringing a trustworthy person who is already fit to help you reach your goals in an encouraging but demanding manner.
For myself, I am working on building strength and endurance, not losing weight, and toning up. All I knew was how to attempt to perform was cardio. Although, I am a hands on learner–watching videos of others do exercises wouldn’t help, I need to watch someone do it and do it with them to get it! So I saved up some cash and got a trainer. In addition, it helps you become educated on the safest ways to get fit!
Now I see my trainer once or twice a week and go to the gym on my own and practice what he’s taught me!
Tip #3 – CONSISTENTLY remind yourself that becoming fit is NOT a competition, if anything your only competition is yourself!
Some people thrive off competition, while others sometimes melt at the thought of how they compare to someone else. Remember, everyone started somewhere! Maybe they grew up participating in sports, or their parents pushed them to run marathons with them! At the end of the day it doesn’t matter, what matters is how you want to feel and live.
Always keep in mind that this is your journey and not anyone else’s.
As I began to make my weekly sessions, I realized that I accomplished my weekly goal. Now my goal is to run a 5k in September! I am so excited and I look forward to my running days–even on my rest days.
It’s the pain of our modern world
It’s the reality of our broken history
The truth made invisible,
what we go through, you know,
“finally being heard.”
We don’t become relevant until our pain becomes their platform…
The appropriation, the killings, the villains were never us.
They cannot stand to see their reflection in a mirror,
too ready to pull a trigger.
When you realize you haven’t met your soulmate
You realize this person is not the one
They emotionally drain you,
It’s quite painful because you become accustomed to them
As if they should be that person
You’ve dedicated time and energy to some waste of a time
They are clearly not your soulmate when they flake on you
They never want to go out with you and your friends
They call after hours
They expect you to pick up every call
&& they don’t work with you, but against you.
They are not your soulmate if they make you cry
Or even shy when you are brighter than the sun
They make you fold and seem as if you’re too much
When it is not you but them.
You begin to think and rethink every thing you want to say
& that is emotional abuse
It’s when they are inconsiderate of your time and too blind to see it.
Run away
They are not your soulmate
You don’t need them.
Run
Please far away
Tick tock — the clock winds to our time.
I met you late at night, taxied to your place. Your words wooed me, your letters… they humored me. And with that, I ended up wrapped in your sheets after breathing in mother nature laced.
Your lips traced my skin, traced my thighs and made me sigh. Your inner soul intertwined and demanded “you’re mine.”
Tick tock — the clock winds to our time.
Night 3 came upon me, this night our words filled the space, my womanhood allowed me to only taste. Another day passed and I met you again, but in a different way. It was, well is like a catalyst, this string and sting of emotion…energy that you transmit upon me.
Tomorrow, I want you to tomorrow. I want your joy, pleasure and sorrow. I treasure the moment my spirit met you. The way you whisper within my soul. You whisper to my wholeness. My shadow before you, for this you gawk. Your admiration leaves me pulsating for your rhythm.
Tick tock — the clock winds you, around me.
Yesterday, the frozen city sparkled in gold, green, red and white. The holiday spirit crept through the avenues, blocks and streets. Alcohol seeped through the cracks, filling the air with a stale smell. Laughter and stupidity dripped from the people’s mouths. Broken carols off tune filled the air. One round, two rounds and three. Some people knew nothing of their whereabouts. Others dancing and moving to the sounds of the beat. Atop of rooftops, on top of bars, on dance floors waxed with beer, you saw their feet shuffle and their mouths slur. More alcohol was poured. My insides were glowing and beaming.
*Delivered* flickered my screen. One message, two messages and three. Next thing you know, I was on the subway. Going up, up to your town. Up one stop, two and times four. Two hours before the clock hits midnight, I’m almost at your door. My heels stomp the pavement, the men whistle, toot and holler. Buzzzzzzzz, I went up one flight, two flights and three. You stood in the doorway, tall, glowing and tired. I giggled and brushed your cheek with a kiss. Your smile made my inside warm.
I unbundled and sat next to you. We briefly shared our day and then turned to the tv. We glared at it, sometimes it watched us. Exhaustion overwhelmed our bodies. In a moments time we were in your room stretched out. I laid there vulnerable. The light flickered and you took over my soul. Our souls danced, intertwined, and whispered; just once tonight.
I don’t know if it is the hollow space in my soul being filled
Or it is your genuine spirit lifting me
I don’t know why I love it so much
The way you wiggle into my space
It all happens in such haste
I still feel your touch when I leave
And then, I return to your cave
I muster up the courage every time
To let you back in my hollow space
This temporary relief
Leads me to mischief
Is this merely us toying with emotions?
I need to take a moment
To realize how much your aura
Hasn’t left me broken
What if you’re the right component?
Or am I just being naive?
Too irrational to see?
I was sitting on the train and I saw a woman. Indian I presumed, by the marking between her eyebrows, her beautiful, long, thick hair and medical uniform. She sat with a book open, studying but ever so often looking up around the cart we sat in. It was about 8pm and not many passengers were on the train headed uptown from Brooklyn.
I found her staring at me, taking quick glances at my shoes, then me: probably wondering–either if the studying was worth it or if I too, was Indian. I mean, I can only imagine her thoughts. Although, sometimes you just get a feeling of a persons’ thought process when they stare and keep making glances. She sat with one leg crossed over, so lady like. I thought to myself, of course she’s in the medical field or studying to be.
Why did I think, “of course” this is what her career would be? Well, I didn’t mean to be stereotypical. My immediate thought process was that her family probably pushed her to go into that field because it pays well. They are most likely there for her, supporting her every move, why would she not follow their advice and expectations. I believe she must be religious, by the marking between her brows, although it could just have been a birth mark. I was not close enough to tell, nor could stare long enough to see.
Back to my immediate thoughts. Now, I thought- if she’s religious her family or husband is definitely there for her. She must pursue a career that they will support her living, especially if she is still studying in the university. Then, I connected her kinship to my people’s.
I thought stereotypically of us, not to put us down just to make a quick connection. Many Latina and Black women do end up going in similar paths. They often end up as beautiful bottle girls, vixen dancers at night clubs and the biggest bang of them all–famous strippers, but it supports them. The patterns of similar choices fall down to what one’s support systems are. Maybe destiny does exist and fate persists, but at the end of the day we are put in society to become survivors. People just need support to grow and flourish.
My final thought after seeing her in that medical field, does she love what she do? If so, kudos to her parents and her.
