This kind of beautiful…

Vivid visions of just me. 

Wrapping my arms around myself and encountering my own brilliance without the thoughts of your companionship trickling through. 

Your otherness typically feels so warm and compliments me so well, it’s almost as you follow the circuits of my mind. 

I can call and stay on the line…I don’t speak and you know exactly what to say. 

Although, you certainly don’t complete me, I am my own person, this I am certain. 

My own desires and thoughts flow through me a tad differently. It’s like I am a river and we connect when I enter your basin. 

Deep within, I know I don’t need you, but I want you to accompany me throughout some of my life. For now, I want you to be a part of my routine—to say the least. 

I want to be your sunshine, but it is if you are on a blinding, uneasy ride. This moment in time, you are lost and unsettled, I must let you climb. 

This is necessary, but who wants to be alone? I don’t think this world was made for us to always be in solitude.

Sometimes we need to meet and connect like the river and the sea–let’s be an estuary. 

Rich and free, I hope to meet you again and feel your warmth like my favorite tea. 

Or my favorite food, melting within my dark soul, enlightening my world. 

For now I’ll wait and worry less about others, meaning you. 

I’ll try to be this kind of beautiful…

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25 on the 25th 

On the 25th of this September, she embarks her journey on earth for her 25th year. 

Another year for success 

Another year for happy memories 

Another year for failure 

Another year of unhappy memories. 

The gift of continuing to live feels more like a burden to her tired eyes, to her broken heart and to her incomplete soul. 

Another year of accomplishments 

Another year of mistakes 

Another year of new relationships 

Another year of failed relationships.

Another year of knowing nothing can truly help her except dealing with what is dealt. 

When you realize you haven’t met your soulmate 

When you realize you haven’t met your soulmate 

You realize this person is not the one 

They emotionally drain you,

It’s quite painful because you become accustomed to them 

As if they should be that person

You’ve dedicated time and energy to some waste of a time 

They are clearly not your soulmate when they flake on you

They never want to go out with you and your friends 

They call after hours 

They expect you to pick up every call 

&& they don’t work with you, but against you. 

They are not your soulmate if they make you cry 

Or even shy when you are brighter than the sun 

They make you fold and seem as if you’re too much 

When it is not you but them. 

You begin to think and rethink every thing you want to say 

& that is emotional abuse 

It’s when they are inconsiderate of your time and too blind to see it. 

Run away 

They are not your soulmate 

You don’t need them. 

Run 

Please far away

Tick tock

Tick tock — the clock winds to our time.

I met you late at night, taxied to your place. Your words wooed me,  your letters… they humored me. And with that, I ended up wrapped in your sheets after breathing in mother nature laced.

Your lips traced my skin, traced my thighs and made me sigh. Your inner soul intertwined and demanded “you’re mine.”

Tick tock — the clock winds to our time.

Night 3 came upon me, this night our words filled the space, my womanhood allowed me to only taste. Another day passed and I met you again, but in a different way. It was, well is like a catalyst, this string and sting of emotion…energy that you transmit upon me.

Tomorrow, I want you to tomorrow. I want your joy, pleasure and sorrow. I treasure the moment my spirit met you. The way you whisper within my soul. You whisper to my wholeness. My shadow before you, for this you gawk. Your admiration leaves me pulsating for your rhythm.

Tick tock — the clock winds you, around me.

Rambling thoughts on an evening ride

I was sitting on the train and I saw a woman. Indian I presumed, by the marking between her eyebrows, her beautiful, long, thick hair and medical uniform. She sat with a book open, studying but ever so often looking up around the cart we sat in. It was about 8pm and not many passengers were on the train headed uptown from Brooklyn. 
I found her staring at me, taking quick glances at my shoes, then me: probably wondering–either if the studying was worth it or if I too, was Indian. I mean, I can only imagine her thoughts. Although, sometimes you just get a feeling of a persons’ thought process when they stare and keep making glances. She sat with one leg crossed over, so lady like. I thought to myself, of course she’s in the medical field or studying to be. 
Why did I think, “of course” this is what her career would be? Well, I didn’t mean to be stereotypical. My immediate thought process was that her family probably pushed her to go into that field because it pays well. They are most likely there for her, supporting her every move, why would she not follow their advice and expectations. I believe she must be religious, by the marking between her brows, although it could just have been a birth mark. I was not close enough to tell, nor could stare long enough to see. 
Back to my immediate thoughts. Now, I thought- if she’s religious her family or husband is definitely there for her. She must pursue a career that they will support her living, especially if she is still studying in the university. Then, I connected her kinship to my people’s. 
I thought stereotypically of us, not to put us down just to make a quick connection. Many Latina and Black women do end up going in similar paths. They often end up as beautiful bottle girls, vixen dancers at night clubs and the biggest bang of them all–famous strippers, but it supports them. The patterns of similar choices fall down to what one’s support systems are. Maybe destiny does exist and fate persists, but at the end of the day we are put in society to become survivors. People just need support to grow and flourish. 
My final thought after seeing her in that medical field, does she love what she do? If so, kudos to her parents and her.  

An excerpt from a letter I penned to you

 

…To begin, you must know that I have never been bewitched by someone’s spirit the way yours has bewitched mine. Was that intentional? I doubt it. Do I believe you are special? Yes, I am certain of it. I’m sure you are quite aware as well…

…I enjoy being in a place when you are also in that place. I enjoy hearing you, learning from you and just being. Your perspective matters to me…This is not because…This is due to fact that I am genuinely drawn to your personality, demeanor and physical being.

I write you because words unfold me best…

…you make me happy so I do not want to leave you alone. You are a good person and I yearn to do simple things with you. As humans, we are biologically wired to get into relationships, drawn into dangerous waters. I want to be there with you, I can deal with your absences…it makes sense to build a wall so you don’t fall…

…It’s almost as if I have known you before in another time and we have been rewarded the time again. We did not see this coming. I may seem unsteady and questionable yet, you are inexplicably drawn to me. I want you…I want to be there in your continuing growth, in my growth. I am not looking for someone to complete me I love who I am and who I am becoming. I adore who you are and who you are becoming. I want to see your fire, your flames, never go out.

I believe you are like magic and I want you too see me dazzle you.

You don’t run from the darkness, we must embrace it. We did not meet by accident. You must know this.

The one for you won’t run from you.

If I do not hear from you after you read this, I will be ok and understand I will be happy for the spark that went out, because it existed.

If I do hear from you after, I’d just want to lay near your chest and listen to you breathe with your hand entwined in mine, watching the water hit our beautiful city.

With passion,

D.