Component

I don’t know if it is the hollow space in my soul being filled 

Or it is your genuine spirit lifting me 

I don’t know why I love it so much 

The way you wiggle into my space

It all happens in such haste

I still feel your touch when I leave 

And then, I return to your cave

I muster up the courage every time 

To let you back in my hollow space 

This temporary relief 

Leads me to mischief 

Is this merely us toying with emotions? 

I need to take a moment

To realize how much your aura 

Hasn’t left me broken 

What if you’re the right component? 

Or am I just being naive?

Too irrational to see?

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Rambling thoughts on an evening ride

I was sitting on the train and I saw a woman. Indian I presumed, by the marking between her eyebrows, her beautiful, long, thick hair and medical uniform. She sat with a book open, studying but ever so often looking up around the cart we sat in. It was about 8pm and not many passengers were on the train headed uptown from Brooklyn. 
I found her staring at me, taking quick glances at my shoes, then me: probably wondering–either if the studying was worth it or if I too, was Indian. I mean, I can only imagine her thoughts. Although, sometimes you just get a feeling of a persons’ thought process when they stare and keep making glances. She sat with one leg crossed over, so lady like. I thought to myself, of course she’s in the medical field or studying to be. 
Why did I think, “of course” this is what her career would be? Well, I didn’t mean to be stereotypical. My immediate thought process was that her family probably pushed her to go into that field because it pays well. They are most likely there for her, supporting her every move, why would she not follow their advice and expectations. I believe she must be religious, by the marking between her brows, although it could just have been a birth mark. I was not close enough to tell, nor could stare long enough to see. 
Back to my immediate thoughts. Now, I thought- if she’s religious her family or husband is definitely there for her. She must pursue a career that they will support her living, especially if she is still studying in the university. Then, I connected her kinship to my people’s. 
I thought stereotypically of us, not to put us down just to make a quick connection. Many Latina and Black women do end up going in similar paths. They often end up as beautiful bottle girls, vixen dancers at night clubs and the biggest bang of them all–famous strippers, but it supports them. The patterns of similar choices fall down to what one’s support systems are. Maybe destiny does exist and fate persists, but at the end of the day we are put in society to become survivors. People just need support to grow and flourish. 
My final thought after seeing her in that medical field, does she love what she do? If so, kudos to her parents and her.  

An excerpt from a letter I penned to you

 

…To begin, you must know that I have never been bewitched by someone’s spirit the way yours has bewitched mine. Was that intentional? I doubt it. Do I believe you are special? Yes, I am certain of it. I’m sure you are quite aware as well…

…I enjoy being in a place when you are also in that place. I enjoy hearing you, learning from you and just being. Your perspective matters to me…This is not because…This is due to fact that I am genuinely drawn to your personality, demeanor and physical being.

I write you because words unfold me best…

…you make me happy so I do not want to leave you alone. You are a good person and I yearn to do simple things with you. As humans, we are biologically wired to get into relationships, drawn into dangerous waters. I want to be there with you, I can deal with your absences…it makes sense to build a wall so you don’t fall…

…It’s almost as if I have known you before in another time and we have been rewarded the time again. We did not see this coming. I may seem unsteady and questionable yet, you are inexplicably drawn to me. I want you…I want to be there in your continuing growth, in my growth. I am not looking for someone to complete me I love who I am and who I am becoming. I adore who you are and who you are becoming. I want to see your fire, your flames, never go out.

I believe you are like magic and I want you too see me dazzle you.

You don’t run from the darkness, we must embrace it. We did not meet by accident. You must know this.

The one for you won’t run from you.

If I do not hear from you after you read this, I will be ok and understand I will be happy for the spark that went out, because it existed.

If I do hear from you after, I’d just want to lay near your chest and listen to you breathe with your hand entwined in mine, watching the water hit our beautiful city.

With passion,

D.

 

C

From light to darkness 

I shut you out 

I fell victim to insanity 

I ached for your touch , thoughts and taste 

I terrified you with my antics 

This life is not a circle but a semi circle. 

Around I go further away from you. Will you be my fire and let me fall back into you? Or will you just let me fall off the track?