Speaking out

Written October 7, 2014

One thing I have come to realize after having being sexually assaulted; raped by a stranger who broke in my apartment…. is that even though I wish it never happened, it changed my life. Of course it changed my life right? Not negatively though, certain things are hard for me to accomplish or overcome but I didn’t want that monster to ruin my life just because he ruined a moment in my life. I moved to a different area and moved forward with my life. It allowed me to realize I deserved better in so many outlets in my life such as academically, socially and in work.

After the attack I think differently and can reach out and help other survivors like me. Although, this would be my first time somewhat publicly sharing my story. I want to help others as others have helped me. In addition after the terrible event, I ended up finding better work closer to where I now live. It feels great to work somewhere I’m truly appreciated and in a setting I believe in. Academically, I won two scholarship awards, one that I did not even apply for! In my scholarship essay I was able to convey an essay worthy to meet with judges and win even though I was emotionally traumatized! (I didn’t even mention what happened to me to the judges.) I debated whether I should share this or not, but it feels great to just get it off my chest. I read other girls stories and they should have a chance to peep into a little of my story too. I do love to write, right?
Last but not least, I met people I would have never met if that horrific night did not take place. Due to my moving, I met people that helped me become stronger and even happier than my already happy self. At times I do wish my pathway in life had been different because I did not want to suffer from being a rape survivor. There are so many women and men, girls and boys who share being a rape survivor with me, sometimes it’s from someone they know hurting them or a stranger like me. In all I felt my story should be shared since it happens and has happened for centuries at a time.
Would I be where I am today maybe, but it’s less likely. I would still be happy because I’m a positive person, and I can’t change what has happened already. Instead of dwelling on it, I can move forward and appreciate this life that as treacherous and dark it may be at times, can be beautiful and enlightening as well. Many say life is what you make it, which can be true but sometimes life isn’t at all what you attempted it to be. You have to stay strong and maintain positive energy no matter what negative forces try to break us because that’s what makes life beautiful. All that we accomplish and make happen. regardless of the unbearable.
UPDATE October 12th, 2015: The monster is in prison and has been since 3 months after the attack, thanks to DNA and video footage of him trying to break into other homes before mine.
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She

He told her “you’re the kind of girl you read about in books.”

But how could that be?

When she thought that that she did not have the looks

To be thought of as She

She thought herself more like a wildflower blown by the wind

With chaos in the universe

Living in a world with a wealth of sorrow

How could she have such a force?

Then she realized she was a girl far from shallow

Her depths deeper than the ocean floor

Maybe she was like the girl he read in books,

She was she, and she was sure

That she had the power to change the war…

He did not matter

He wasn’t as lovely as the words he spoke

In a world that seemed to be getting sadder

She had to fight, bring upon a light

Help all, climb higher and higher up the ladder

She was she, and that was all she could be.